We now join your program already in progress… I have to admit when I started writing this, I really didn’t think it was going to turn into a message that would take so many words. One of the things I’ve learned though, is that everything we create is an entity unto itself and by simply allowing things to be what they are rather than trying to force them, we can truly create something magical. So I’m going to continue to tell this story the way it wants to be told and I sincerely hope I’m not boring you. This issue starts when I left the Harmonics of Healing retreat.
How many of you realize that change can be difficult, even painful? I think most people who have gone through any kind of real transformation will tell you that although it wasn’t easy, it was absolutely worth it. If you’ve ever given birth to a healthy child, you’ll know exactly what I mean. The moment you see the face that you’ve been imagining and dreaming about, all of the pain and work required to bring them into the world becomes unimportant. Perhaps real transformation is like a birthing process.
When I left the retreat, I attempted to go directly back into my old life. The only problem was that I was not the same person I had been walking into Windermere Manor that Friday night. So trying to fit myself back into that life was kind of like trying to fit into a pair of jeans that’s two sizes too small. It doesn’t really work.
A few days later I called Juna and talked with her about what was happening and asked about something they had talked about called “the Bars”. Juna explained that I could come and pay for a session with her, or I could come to a class they were giving and learn to do them myself. She said that if I took the class, I could participate in free sessions with groups that got together to exchange bars. Now, the frugal bookkeeper in me took notice. Why pay for something I could learn to do myself and never have to pay for again? So I signed up for the class.
What I learned was a process that helps people release things that are blocking their energy from flowing smoothly and that keep them running on autopilot. In this class, I learned the hand positions and I listened intently to the teachings. I took notes and asked lots of questions and experienced “energy” for the first time. Did that first class change my life? Not really. I found it interesting, I felt something, then I went home. I later learned that while some people experience immediate changes, it can take others several sessions to begin to notice a difference. Let’s be frank here. Throughout my 40 years on this earth, there were piles and piles of crap dumped into me. It took a bit of time to start to see that shifting and feeling any changes.
Unfortunately, before I had much of an opportunity to explore and experience this new thing I was learning about, tragedy struck. My sister was hit by a transport truck while driving on highway 401 and killed instantly. This unleashed a hurricane into my life and threw me into a complete tailspin. All of the walls I’d built to protect myself came crashing down and I was thrown into harsh realities and began to experience a deep sense of grief. It was as though all of the places inside me that had started to let go were thrown open by a gale force wind and there was no place to hide. And so began my breakdown.
I felt like I imagine it would feel to be a plastic bag caught in a strong wind. Blowing all over the place, completely out of control and unable to stop. I won’t go into the gory details, suffice it to say that I started down an incredibly steep spiral and spent time in places inside myself that are neither pretty, nor pleasant.
In the middle of all of this, and possibly to regain some sense of sanity, I began to feel an unrelenting need to move forward. I threw myself back into my work because let’s face it, that was a comfortable place to go. And I started to shut the doors on the places that were so painful to look at. In September, my husband came home and announced that he had lost his job. As you can probably imagine, that was not exactly welcome news. But it did provide the perfect excuse to throw myself even further into my work.
Oh no, it doesn’t end here… see you next time and I’ll tell you more.